HR hell

Human Resources is All that is Wrong in this World

“It’s difficult to argue you are for working men and women when your policies prevent them from working by destroying the businesses that would employ them.” Jack Kemp

Human resource (HR) departments sucks. I hate HR, you hate HR, in fact I’m willing to bet that every single person in this world hates HR.  Hell probably hates HR.

They are truly the bureaucrats of the private sector.  A bunch of sycophants living off the company dollar.  Though I’m sure they mean well, I don’t think they’re is a group more clueless to term ‘business value’ than a damn HR rep.

Deep in the back of their mind they must know that they are useless.  People that live like that live in fear that other people will find out, and that fear makes them smug condescending assholes.  I am ashamed to admit to you how much time I’ve spend googling “I hate HR.”  It’s a border line psychotic hatred that I bare for these ass holes.

While doing this nifty little search I came a cross one really good article that sums it up way better than I ever could.

BY FAST COMPANY STAFF:

Why are annual performance appraisals so time-consuming — and so routinely useless? Why is HR so often a henchman for the chief financial officer, finding ever-more ingenious ways to cut benefits and hack at payroll? Why do its communications — when we can understand them at all — so often flout reality? Why are so many people processes duplicative and wasteful, creating a forest of paperwork for every minor transaction? And why does HR insist on sameness as a proxy for equity?

It’s no wonder that we hate HR. In a 2005 survey by consultancy Hay Group, just 40% of employees commended their companies for retaining high-quality workers. Just 41% agreed that performance evaluations were fair. Only 58% rated their job training as favorable. Most said they had few opportunities for advancement — and that they didn’t know, in any case, what was required to move up. Most telling, only about half of workers below the manager level believed their companies took a genuine interest in their well-being.

None of this is explained immediately in Vegas. These HR folks, from employers across the nation, are neither evil courtiers nor thoughtless automatons. They are mostly smart, engaging people who seem genuinely interested in doing their jobs better. They speak convincingly about employee development and cultural transformation. And, over drinks, they spin some pretty funny yarns of employee weirdness. (Like the one about the guy who threatened to sue his wife’s company for “enabling” her affair with a coworker. Then there was the mentally disabled worker and the hooker — well, no, never mind. . . .)

But then the facade cracks. It happens at an afternoon presentation called “From Technicians to Consultants: How to Transform Your HR Staff into Strategic Business Partners.” The speaker, Julie Muckler, is senior vice president of human resources at Wells Fargo Home Mortgage. She is an enthusiastic woman with a broad smile and 20 years of experience at companies such as Johnson & Johnson and General Tire. She has degrees in consumer economics and human resources and organizational development.

And I have no idea what she’s talking about. There is mention of “internal action learning” and “being more planful in my approach.” PowerPoint slides outline Wells Fargo Home Mortgage’s initiatives in performance management, organization design, and horizontal-solutions teams. Muckler describes leveraging internal resources and involving external resources — and she leaves her audience dazed. That evening, even the human-resources pros confide they didn’t understand much of it, either.

This, friends, is the trouble with HR. In a knowledge economy, companies that have the best talent win. We all know that. Human resources execs should be making the most of our, well, human resources — finding the best hires, nurturing the stars, fostering a productive work environment — just as IT runs the computers and finance minds the capital. HR should be joined to business strategy at the hip.

Instead, most HR organizations have ghettoized themselves literally to the brink of obsolescence. They are competent at the administrivia of pay, benefits, and retirement, but companies increasingly are farming those functions out to contractors who can handle such routine tasks at lower expense. What’s left is the more important strategic role of raising the reputational and intellectual capital of the company — but HR is, it turns out, uniquely unsuited for that.

I highly recommend that y’all check out the whole thing.  If you’ve ever been at the mercy of these people you will find the whole article very therapeutic.